findinglean.com

I talk about my weight loss over Christmas, my New Year’s Resolutions, and more. Sorry about the rambled tangent.

~rev (311 pounds)

Yes I said 40. So I’m down to a size 48 and at the rate I’m moving again after a small plateau I’m very likely to see 44 or even 42 by the end of January but I don’t want to get ahead of myself I do however want to push a small update about the last couple weeks as I likely wont post here again until after the new year. So here goes…

I’m down to 220 pounds so while I’ve only lost a couple pounds since my December 3rd update I’ve lost as many inches from my waist, actually more perhaps. I’m down an astonishing 36 inches  since this journey began…and even this morning as I put on my now size 48 pants I held them in front of me and simply could not believe I’d get then on let alone button and zip them up..but the truth is I’m a loose 48 and can put on a size 46 though they are too tight to wear at the moment. And I just can’t believe it. I bought these jeans at a thrift store as I’ve either been buying them at goodwill or thrift shops for a while now because I can’t wear them for too long. (6 weeks is the longest so far) and I have 3 pair of size 54’s to either take to goodwill or at some point when I’m near Nashville again I can drop them off at Vanderbilt @ 100 Oaks for the clothing drive for other pre or post surgery candidates who might need them.

I mentioned already I’m working out 3 days a week, well I’ve recently started adding some Yoga to the mix though I’d hardly call what I’m doing yoga I have been doing the plank challenge and so far I’m up to about 30 seconds. Each day I honestly feel better than the last and my heart rate when doing cardio is staying around 145bpm which for me is pretty fantastic. But my journey isn’t over, it’s only just getting started.

So shifting focus from health and weigh-ins to something more personal. I’ve been quite social again over the last few months (increasingly so as time goes on) but I recently started dating..and while I’m not really in a point in my life for anything serious it has been quite nice to just go out, be social and be…well me again I guess. I’ve also launched a podcast network and we shot our first podcast last weekend (the episode is live so go check it out) though I must warn you it’s not entirely safe for work as my co-host and I dropped one or two f-bombs. The podcast we started is around geek culture and I’m working to launch a political podcast as well to pick up where one of my old blogs left off years ago as well as many others. I’m really working to build an entire network of podcasts, some of which will hopefully last. and while it took much longer than I wanted it to thatstupidpodcast.com is finally launched and under way.

On a more personal note and I’ve really not been very personal lately I wanted to just ramble on about a few things so bare with me… I recently turned 36 (or as many of my girl type friends might call it 29) and for the first time in about 8 years or so I feel blessed. Coming from someone who suffers form depression my weight has always been somewhere in my thoughts, either up front and obvious or hidden pushed away and repressed, but always there. For the (honestly) first time in my entire life that I can remember my weight is in the front of my mind but not in a negative connotation, No instead I’m feeling liberated and confident about who I am and how I look. Am I still over 300 pounds? Sure but it doesn’t bother me anymore because I know it’s moving in the right direction and I feel great and I don’t even care about the actual number. While I’m using it as a way to pave milestones in my journey, and I’ve said this in the past, the end game if you will…that “final magical weight” loss number is completely irrelevant to me. I’m already happy and I’m already in a good place and sure I know I’ll need surgery again, this time to get rid of all the extra fleshy fun bits hanging under my arms legs and stomach it doesn’t matter because those are good problems to have (my 48 is more likely a 44 already if you removed the sagging skin).

I’ve also pretty much decided to just go with the flow for a while. I’m just excited to see where life takes me on this roller coaster of a journey and as I turn the page I welcome the next chapters of my life with an open mind and enthusiastic optimism. That said my life does have very little room for what the kids simply refer to as “drama” have added that to my very small list of things I will not spend any of my short precious time on this earth tolerating. And when I say my list is small I mean it…

The things I will not tolerate are:

• infidelity
• that thing the kids call “drama”
• domestic violence
• bigotry of any sort

And before you smirk, yes I’m well aware not tolerating bigotry is itself a paradoxical irony that cannot be undone, but it is what it is. And in the end I am who I am after all. This reminds me of a friend’s recent facebook status which simply asked a question about flaws in how they relate to how you relate and that really got me thinking. And as I sat for a moment trying to work up my usually off the cuff quip I discovered something about myself or rediscovered something I should say. I remembered for the first time in quite a few years I simply have no flaws….and that’s not to say I’m flawless (far from it) but this one innocent facebook status reminded me of an old blog serious I wrote (on greymatter if that tells you how long ago this was) titled “Back to the Basics.” It was a short mini blog series I wrote about on along defunct blog where I talked about my simple philosophies for life and while people to change over time, myself included, these simple philosophes have not. Below is that facebook status…

Maybe someday I’ll rewrite those “Back to the Basics” blog entries that deal with my views on everything from regret to soul mates to basic human equality, but for now I really must bid this already rather lengthy entry adieu.

rev (320 pounds)

It’s been a while since I posted an update because I’ve been a bit busy and while I meant to do a video for this post if I didn’t write something today it would be another week before I posted so I wanted to share some updates with you all.

So I seem to have misplaced some weight, 5 pounds to be exact. I had it before Thanksgiving Weekend, but now it’s gone…So not only did I manage to enjoy my Thanksgiving Weekend with family but I also managed to lose weight doing it. I even had a bite (and I mean one bite) of apple pie on Thursday and one bit of Pumpkin Pie on Friday.

So where does that leave us? Well it means that soon I’ll drop below 300 pounds (maybe even before my next checkup) and it means my waist has dropped another couple inches or so and my 54” jeans are now baggy and falling off me as I’ve dipped down well into the upper 40s.

It also means I’ve started working out about 3 days a week. Monday/Wednesday/Friday I get up at 4:45am and get ready for the gym. I do 10 minutes on the elliptical followed by a “30 Minute Express Circuit Workout” which is basically 60 seconds of cardio (stepping stations) every other minute with a weight machine sandwiched in the middle. I work pretty much every muscle group this way (seated row, leg press, leg curl, ab curl, biceps curl, leg extension, chest press, shoulder press, lat pull down, and triceps extension). Once done I do a “cool down” 5-10 minute elliptical session and then I’m out. For the more serious workout types this will seem rather tame, but for someone who couldn’t walk a year ago or so this is pretty damn good.

Which brings me to my missing 5 pounds and my holiday weekend. Last week while working out I was chatting up a friend and he said, “oh man I feel bad for you this year for Thanksgiving.” When I asked why he talked about the how much he loved eating until his pants button popped off, etc. I told him it didn’t bother me because I’ve had 30+ years of doing that which is how I ended up in the predicament I’m in now, but the truth is..I wasn’t honestly sure how’d I feel about the food aspect of the holiday and as I drove the 5ish hours to my sister’s house Thanksgiving morning this thought stuck with me most of the way there.

I ate two (what would be considered) thanksgiving meals at my sisters house. Once on the day of and again a whole new dinner on Friday. And I sampled pretty much every dish. I ate turkey of course, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce (not the can shaped crap) sweet potatoes, quiche, apple and pumpkin pie, and the list continues. And I enjoyed every single solitary bite. The food was amazing even if the entirety of my two days of eating was still less than an average person’s dinner off holiday I came out of my experience not feeling left out, not feeling like I’d been deprived of some ritualistic eating right of passage, and in the end smaller…5 pounds smaller in fact.

I made gingerbread cookies (didn’t eat any) with my niece and nephew. I chased around the house and generally had a great time. I met some of my sister and brother-in-law’s friends and enjoyed their company, especially when Keoko (I’m likely spelling that wrong) read my tattoo from across the room perfectly (validating I managed to pick the right characters) and talking to her husband Chuck and on and on….so no, this Thanksgiving was not ruled by food or my addiction to it, it was ruled by joy companionship and family. Do I feel I missed out this year? No, not even in the slightest.

~rev (322 pounds)